Hardly anyone seems to pass through here, so I guess I'll just use this like a note book and speak free. I am 31 years old and I seem to spend the vast majority of my time trying to manage stress. Boohoo. I know, everyone has stress. But this is all about me right now. Seriously though, is this kind of stress really the same kind that everyone else has? I feel like I spend all of my awake hours working my ass off in an attempt to distract myself from the panic attack that is always hiding just around the corner. If I can stay occupied and productive, things are ok. Then when i finally slow down, my thoughts turn inward and I start to feel short of breath. My thoughts seem to bounce around faster than I can keep up with. Most of them are rooted in Self Worth, Accomplishments, Confidence, and comparing myself to my Father. I look back on my younger self and I see a young man who walked around like he fucking owned the place no matter what was going on. Proud, strong and confident. The world was mine. Fast forward to now. What happened to me. I am piss poor with managing any of my own personal bull shit. I work work work to distract from all my personal projects and emotions. I should be............ Or, I could be working on........... And I should really be pouring my heart, soul and energy into...................... I could really be good at....................................................................
Anyways, I just want to work hard and feel proud of who I am. I need to drop all of this doubt and keep my chin up.
This is an old picture, but it seems to capture how I am feeling.